If God loves everyone, invites everyone, welcomes everyone into a relationship of belovedness and belonging, why do so many of us have a story of being made to feel like we don’t belong at church?

Sometimes well-intentioned religious folks get stuck debating belonging. That’s what I hear in this Sunday’s riddle posed to Jesus. Maybe those Pharisees are testing him, but maybe not. Maybe they’ve been tested so many times it’s just what they do.

Like most of us, they want answers. But belonging isn’t about being right. It’s about being welcomed and affirmed for who you are. Which is what prompted me to remember a time when a religious authority told me I didn’t.

My (then) husband and I were wandering around Astoria, Queens and discovered a church. This list was tacked on the door:

NO Swearing.
NO Short skirts.
NO T-shirts.
NO Inappropriate clothes or language.
This is a church. It is not a night-club.
WELCOME!

When I read it, I must confess, I liked it - the rules, the tone of superiority. I appreciated the insistence on some holy respect! That self-satisfied righteousness makes me shudder now.

I pulled on the locked door. And then a fit, short, older man came over and introduced himself. He was the priest and asked if we’d like to see inside.

Astoria, by the way, is a neighborhood within the diverse borough of Queens, just across the river from the magical place of wonder and joy that is Manhattan (can you tell I’m a New Yorker?). The diversity Astoria represents is Greek. This church had once been Lutheran, he explained, but now it was Orthodox.

As we walked inside (thankfully we were appropriately dressed!) I started thinking, “I really hope my (then) husband doesn’t tell him I’m going to be a priest.” That was a definitive NO on this church’s list. At that moment, my (then) husband told him.

The priest smiled, looked at me and looked down, “Oh, you cannot be a priest.”

I smiled too, reflexively. I didn’t want to get into it. Well, yeah, I kinda did.

“Yes, I know, but why exactly can’t women be priests in the Orthodox tradition?” I asked.

“Because once a month, you are unclean.” He replied. “And it says in (he pointed to a bible) that when women are unclean, they cannot be near the altar.” He smiled again, and I got the sense he felt simultaneously sorry and superior for my inferior femaleness.

“Well, OK,” I countered “but what about eating pork? What about charging interest? There are so many rules, most of which we ignore. Why enforce that one?”

He knew, just like I did, this was a pointless argument. Neither of us were going to change our minds. So, he threw up his hands, laughed and exclaimed “It’s a mystery, it’s just a mystery!”

The question the Pharisees ask Jesus is a mystery. Because, as you and I know, this whole faith enterprise - life with God, the power of Love, the transformation of suffering, what happens when we die, etc. etc. is one giant, incredible and unbelievable mystery. A mystery that connects with our hearts more than our heads.

It’s not a mystery why we are attracted to rules and answers. We want clarity. We want affirmation of our beliefs. We want to know we are doing “it” right. My heart connects with the Pharisees. It’s hard to remember I once liked seeing entrance criteria on the door of a church. Jesus’ answer is strange and I’m not going to pretend I understand it. Except when he says, God is a God of the living! That I get. The answer is found in our living, knowing we belong just as we are. That is a mystery worth exploring.

So my friend, how about you? Can you remember a time in your faith when it was all about having the right answers? What is your story of embracing mystery? When did a literal or proverbial litany on a door keep you from crossing the threshold of belonging? In what ways have you struggled with the church when it declares itself to be the arbiter of God’s all-embracing and all-inclusive mystery of love? When has letting go of the rules and the answers expanded what it means to belong?

Our stories aren’t explanations of the mystery. Our stories point to it and prompt people to explore their stories. To reflect and sometimes wrestle with their answers and explanations. It is so powerful when we affirm the good news all our hearts long to hear – there is no test! We are worthy, incredibly worthy, of love and belonging no matter who we are and what we wore to church this morning.