Which Work Matters?
The short answer to that question is – all of it. Because I’m talking about the work of a lifetime.
Work gives us purpose. We want work that has meaning. As Annie Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” (The Writing Life) Don’t we want to spend our days doing good work? I do.
And this is what I mean by work. That word applies to so much more than what we do at the office.
If something matters to me then I am going to have to work at it. Acknowledging that it’s work helps me externalize it. Meaning, I can observe it, prioritize it, categorize it. Like a good movie director who sees the “big picture.” Who sees that what is being created or developed is part of a larger whole.
For instance, I always knew my marriage was work. We seem to take that as a given. But, you know what else is work? Divorce. Divorce is a motherload of work. The legal aspects of course, but working to forge a new relationship, a new sense of self, a new model of what you thought your future would be is an ongoing task.
Singlehood, learning to be alone and not lonely that was work too. Researching, reading and connecting with my new reality was healing work. I worked at it because I believed that eventually, I wouldn’t have to, and my new relational status would be rewarding in ways I hadn’t imagined. This thankfully proved true!
Grief, that is work. It’s work surrendering, giving up and giving in. Grief with its waves, pulling us under then bearing us afloat. Because we feel like we are living in a reality the rest of the world cannot see. You know grief is work because it’s so damn exhausting.
Understanding the map of my internal landscape, holy moley that is some work! Work that requires awareness, time and serious self-compassion. Self-reflection takes effort and, in my opinion, a partner. We need professionals to help us do that work and teach us how to do it in their absence.
How about parenting? Is that work? Ok, you can stop laughing now.
Dating, by the way, also work. I set aside time to peruse those profiles (not to mention writing one!). Making time, meeting people, coordinating with shared custody realities, saying “not a match” and walking away, taking breaks from it, and then saying, “time to try again!” It is work, no doubt about it.
Faith, spirituality, an expansive inner life – work.
Time with friends, staying connected socially and supportively - work.
Staying healthy and active and in tune with my body’s needs – work.
See? All of what matters is work AND this is great because work is good!
If you are going through work that is hard and exhausting, give yourself a break. Since it’s work, you get to punch-out periodically. Take a vacation, mini as it may be, because the work will remain. Since it’s work, you deserve to pay yourself something. Give yourself something that will bring you joy and love. Take in something beautiful. Talk to someone who will make you laugh or will listen while you cry.
One of the prayers I pray is to see the hand of God at work in the world around me. If I believe that God, the Universe, the Divine, etc. is at work around and within me all the time, then I want to collaborate on that project! If I view all of it as work, then I will work at it. I will be able to prioritize it. I will be able to schedule my calendar, my sabbath, my playtime accordingly.
And I know from experience that when it comes to work, some of it will remain unfinished, some of it requires partnerships with people I cannot control, and, as with all work, I can expect to reap at least some rewards.
I get to determine the value of the work. But the work, does not determine the value of me.
