What Are You Giving Up?
If the above question is familiar to you this time of year, then you probably know about Lent, which has just gotten started.
Yes, Lent can include giving up chocolate while indulging our spiritual exploration. It’s a season set apart for thoughtful self-examination, and, incorporating or renewing spiritual practices like fasting, meditation or reading scripture.
As a priest, too often I hear people refer to Lent as a punitive season. A time for denying ourselves and bemoaning all the ways we aren’t good enough in our personal and spiritual lives. As if the purpose is to own up to all the ways we believe we are disappointing God.
To which I think, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That’s not what Lent is about.”
God is love. And God’s love is not shared abundantly so we feel bad about who we are. God’s love is shared to remind us we are loved for WHO WE ARE. Right now.
So, at my church we’re getting wholehearted with our self-examination, using Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection as our spiritual roadmap. In it she shares guideposts for wholehearted living, each an opportunity to get curious. To investigate our interior lives, the thoughts and feelings that influence our behaviors and relationships. And she offers ways we can “try on” new behaviors that align with our values. Here’s her definition of wholehearted living:
Wholehearted living is about engaging with our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.’ It’s going to bed at night thinking, ‘Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.
Do you live this way? At our first class I read this aloud and asked people to respond. Several people laughed and sighed with an, “if only!” Someone said, “This is an ideal, it’s not possible.” Another person worried, “But how do you do this? How can you believe this when there is always so much to do and never enough time?” Someone else remarked, “Is this a generational thing? Maybe I’m too old to change my ways?”
My friend, believe it or not, this is not an ideal. This is not an unattainable goal. It’s a practice! A spiritual practice. If Brown’s definition appeals to your heart, if you read it and think, “Yes! I want to be this.” All you need do is practice. The practice is actually the point.
As Richard Rohr says, “we live our way into a new way of being.” We don’t figure it all out – first. Is that how babies learn to walk? Nope. They try it. They don’t think about it. We start. We try it on. We make mistakes. We try again. It feels weird because we are doing something new (again, picture that baby!). That’s ok. We are very used to our patterns of behavior and what is familiar. So we unlearn and relearn. We live our way into a new way of being.
So in the spirit of wholehearted living, I offer a simple practice for Lent or whatever season you choose. Every morning or every night, or both, read and then write, “I am” followed by one or all of these phrases:
A child of God
Wonderfully and marvelously made
Precious
Beloved
Does part of you balk at the idea of the simplicity of this? Is a voice in your head saying, “That’s stupid! What will that do?”
It is a practice supporting truth and self-compassion. It is a practice to help cultivate an inner voice that can quiet your inner critic. Read those phrases and then circle back to Brown’s definition of wholehearted living. Our hearts resonate with that definition, as do these phrases (all from scripture, btw). These phrases open our hearts. For me, they are a prayer.
When we choose to cultivate practices that open our hearts, the eyes of our heart start to open too. We see in a new way. Those words just might start opening your eyes to see more goodness in yourself and in the world around you. In my experiences, the simplest practices tend to be the ones I resist the most. I want to take on the big stuff! Because part of me believes the harder it is the more worthy it must be.
Take it from a priest, that’s just not true! Simple is not simplistic. Simple is doable and embraceable, just like practicing wholehearted living. Just keep practicing it, day by day. And maybe reward yourself with a piece of chocolate!